Self-hate and Self-love are both ego

Let us remember the ultimate goal: to understand and act according to the truth of the universe so that we are free from suffering. As always, the truth I want to focus on is the illusory nature of the ego.

Throughout my life I have had problems with both excessive self hate and excessive self love. 

Which one is right? Both of them create problems for the society. Excessive self love creates delusions of grandeur and selfishness beyond reason. If you've dealt with a lot of selfish people you might be inclined to think that self-doubt and self-hate are "good" because they lead to self improvement. However, too much self-doubt also creates problems. The self-hate problem is a little harder to see compared to the selfish problem, but they actually stem from the very same defilement: the clinging to the idea of self. 

I know firsthand the harm of self hate. The thought that "I should be better than this" or "I shouldn't have done that" plagued my very being to the point it even led me to believing I didn't deserve to be happy.

These statements alone signals an incompatibility with reality. Words like "should" or "deserve" are illusory, created by some mental wound or some unrealistic expectation placed upon myself. It sounds counterintuitive, but such self-hating also stems from delusions of grandeur, a misunderstanding of my role within the universe. We are but some carbon dust, a blip in the cosmic clock. To be hard on yourself is to misunderstand the nature of the universe, which is no different from the misunderstanding resulting from narcissism. They are just two sides of the same coin.

Neither self-love nor self-hate, the answer lies somewhere between the two. We need not take ourselves so seriously that we push ourselves to ruin. But we also need not love ourselves so much that we start to bother everyone around us. There is no me, so there's nothing to hate and nothing to love.