Why this blog

Firstly, I'd like to extend the warmest welcome to any who stumbles upon this blog. To find out more about this blog I invite you to check the About page.

That page already talks about the what and the who, but this may be a good place to talk about the why. Why this blog?

Although the library of his work is vast, the one concept that the Buddhadasa Bhikkhu repeated so often in his sermons is the terrifying power of "me and mine". 

Throughout most of my working life, I have been struggling with imposter syndrome. I find it a very good self-study of how moha (delusions) can result in suffering. The delusions all centered around the idea of "me". Because I expected myself to be a smartest, sharpest, and most recognized worker, I was removed from reality. My capability is exactly the way it is, no more, no less, but I did not recognize this. This delusion stopped me from accepting myself the way I was, and so it stopped me from learning, asking for help, and developing genuine relationships. Before long, I could no longer continue to work. Something one might call a "burnout". In yearning to be the best performer, I became a 0-performer.

For whatever cause, I seemed to be prone to having a deluded self image, and a yearning for validation. Perhaps, like similar cases of other overachievers, I received harsh criticism as a child. Yet, placing blame is not my focus. What's important is: what to do next?

It was the Handbook for Mankind that stated a simple logic to me: if you truly know what is what, you'll not act or think in a way that makes you suffer [1]. Ultimately, imposter syndrome is a misunderstanding of a very simple reality: at any given moment, my knowledge and skillset is exactly the way it is, it can't be more or less. What I can control is how to progress, not the way I appear to others. Trying to control the latter is an incompatible with reality, and so the mind suffers. I truly did not know what is what, and it made me suffer. By acknowledging my desire for validation by others, instead of letting it propel me, I've now reconnected with reality.

Over time, I learned to ask "stupid" questions, ask for review, advice, and suggestions. I discuss my struggles genuinely. And surprisingly, things work out just fine. It took a long time and many failures, but I finally learned to work without feeling defeated every day.

Through observing my own struggles, I started to see similar struggles in others, I noticed that almost every struggle stems from this kind of discrepancy between the ego and reality. In this world where knowledge is right at our fingertips, our suffering seems to only increase. We yearn for things that are unattainable, we hate people we have never met, jealous of people we do not know, and fear things we have never seen. This can all be quieted down. Studying Dhamma has led me to feeling a sense of calmness I've never felt before, and through speaking with relatives, I feel they also yearn for the same calmness.

And so this blog was created. I want to do my part in spreading this supreme calmness. I am hoping that my worldly experience as a software professional allows me to bridge the gap between spirituality and the materialistic modern world. If I help at least one person, I'd already be very satisfied.

Please be mindful and be well.

[1] https://www.buddhanet.net/pdf_file/buddasa.pdf